Ah… (sigh of relief…) finally the weekend’s here… I can finally get to rest and enjoy the weekend.

I wonder what I should do this weekend… Last weekend there was the game ITALY!!! Finally they won after what 24 years ah… This time I cried becos I was happy!!

hmm… think will be going to the gym on sun & then to sentosa, so that leaves me with sat… wat to do wat to do wat to do…?

I’m in love with the new lead singer of INXS!!! He’s so cute ah cannot make it!!! He’s like this ah… hmmm… I like ah…

I like the new batch of singers who are in the competition for Rockstar Supernova. They really something I tell u…

There’s this girl from NY i think, she’s the hottest little thing on earth… She’s a-la Shakira but when she sings, It’s like she’s some rock legend. The men on that show, ah yes the men… They are so cute… Unfortunately, I missed last nite’s episode, so sian ah…

On another note.

Shaun has this very very bad habit. He knows that I don’t like watching horror flicks and all that bullshit but he has this extremely bad habit.

On wednesday, on my way home, he told me that he had to stay in camp blah blah blah. I had this sick feeling that he was lying and that he was at home. So when I reached under our block and I looked up at our bedroom window. The lights were off. So well obviously he didn’t lie about it lah, I thought.

I went upstairs said my hellos to everyone and went to our bedroom. I opened the bedroom door hoping to see him on the bed but no he wasn’t. So i turned to switch on the lights rite… So as the light flicked on, I saw this thing. It was a face but I can’t tell who. He gave me a fright. It was him lah, that swine… My heart literally skipped 3 beats…

There’s more…

There was on occassion, I was alone in the room rite… I was doing something with the cats I think. Than the door suddenly open by itself. I look and thought that maybe shaun was coming into the room and so I thought nothing of it. the Door continued to open and i looked again and saw no one… I thought FUCK!! Than, there he was… Standing behind the door…

I swear that there’s something very very wrong with that boy.

I’m so tired… I cannot take it anymore…

My head’s gonna explode!!! I’ve been extremely tied up with work I haven’t got time for myself anymore… To make this worst, Shaun’s doing his reservist this week. Man, I miss him… Yah, he comes home every night but still; the thought of not having him at home it just crappy ah…

I haven’t been the best partner to him these past few months… I’m so stressed out with work that i tend to take it out on him. I feel bloody bad and I really don’t mean to but I can’t help it. He’s so sweet about it and all always trying to make my day better. I swear, I dunno wat i’ll do now without him.

Now, onto a serious note.

I’m reading this extremely powerful book by Danielle Steel. It’s been a long while since I last read one of her books. I didn’t have anything else to read and I was just bored so I just borrowed mom-in-law’s book. I can’t seem to put the book down now. "Echoes" is the title of the book and I do believe that it’s really one of her best books I’ve ever read.

If you have read the book, I’m sorry to say this but I DON’T CARE  what you think about the book. If you have not read the book, here’s a summary:-

World War II; French Catholic Boy & German Jewish Girl; fall in love; families against it; disowns boy & girl; Boy & girl get married; have 2 kids; Boy dies; Girl goes crazy (not really she’s just depressed no family and all)… Anyways, that’s all I’ve read till now. Don’t really have time to read but I try to when I have the time to.

I’m gonna go scuba diving… FINALLY… Now that I’ve got the clubbing bullshit outta the way, I’ve got energy to wake up in the bloody morning and do things that are more rewarding. I’ve accomplished more things than I can ever imagine. After 26 bloody years that I start to think, funny how finally settling down changes ppl and their mind sets; sometimes… I work in a law firm lor, divorce cases are not funny ah… Ppl cheat on the spouses in very very funny situations.

There’s this client of mine… Haiya, too tired to type… Tell ya’ll another day ah. Till then…

I’m just wondering… Why does life seem so good one day than just switch and everything goes wrong the next?

I’ve met several ppl in my life some ppl I cherish and respect with all my life but sometimes, I just feel like these ppl don’t really deserve all that respect. Ever wondered how sometimes you do something or not do anything and then u get fucked for it? Even tho it’s not your fault.

I’ve learnt one thing in life and that’s this; these are the ppl that are just not worth it. There are more things in life than just dreading over what they feel or felt or what they intend to do or not do next. I’m just so sick and tired of helping ppl and being there for ppl. I have to be there for ppl all the time, but no one’s ever there for me. I have to be somewhere all the time if not I’ll lose something or someone. Fuck lah; nothing in this world revolves around anymore, stop being so self-centered. I just cannot take it anymore. ARGH!

But then again, there’s nothing I can do really about them. I just have to go about with my life nonchalantly and ignore them. I hate being ignorant but hell… some ppl just deserve it lah.

Gonna be one hell of a hectic month. Work and work and more work. Then I’ve got sit and organise food for my dad-in-law’s birthday. I’ve got to think of what to get for my boss for his house-warming - any ideas? I need a job that doesn’t require much thinking. hmm….? I’m just so tired half the time. i don’t think i’m any fun to Shaun anymore… My poor baby… I’m just glad that he’s being a sweetheart.

Come to think of it, I’m glad that he’s in my life. If not for him, I’d still be clubbing every night. I’d still be spending my hard earned money on minute things. Sad pathetic life it was then… it’s ironic really… Club every night, meet different ppl blah blah blah but you just ain’t happy end of the day. Now I club when I have to, and I’ve met more friends that I can ever imagine. I’ve got more of a life now. It doesn’t really matter than I’m bigger than I was before. It doesn’t matter that I don’t fit into my extravagent clothes. It doesn’t matter than my hair or my skin doesn’t look good. All that matters is I’ve got a good healthy life and great company.

Going to sentosa every weekend is a darn good idea. Taking up scuba diving is a darn great idea too. I’m not missing out on my previous life at all. I’m just looking forward to what’s to come in the future. Thinking back, going out all night wasn’t a good idea. I wasn’t a very good example to my sisters and I’m the eldest somemore. I’m embaressed come to think of it… ha ha i’m starting to think like my parents now, cannot make it…

Oh well… life will be such. It’s goona be great one time and then it’s gonna be sour the next. But it’s always a experience. Always good to learn new things I suppose. I’m just wondering, wat’s my next destination gonna be… Till then…

Sometimes in life, you just have to be grateful for what you and what you don’t need. I’ve learnt to be grateful for everything’s that happened to me this eventful 6 months.

I’ve been called a homewrecker, an ungrateful friend, well in short a BITCH! And surprisingly, I don’t care anymore. “BEEP” the bitch who called me a homewrecker, she obviously didn’t know how to take care of her man that he had to come looking for me. As for my friends, if the idea even came upon their mind, I say “BEEP” that shit, I seriously don’t need friends like YOU.

I’m a changed person, well in most ways anyway, and in some ways I am still the same person. I am not the same timid person who just sits there and get my friends to defend me; I don’t need that anymore. I don’t need to be pampered anymore by anyone, actually Shaun will say that this is not true. He’s spoilt me.

I’ve learnt to take life less seriously now. As long as I’ve got my health, my bestfrends (Shirley mostly), my family that’s all I care. I may not be the best daughter nor the best friend or the best person in the world. As least I try my best to not be a hypocrite. I don’t go around saying that sleeping around is not good and end up sleeping with my bestfriend’s boyfriend or my friend’s love interest. That’s just not me.

So I say, TO ALL YA’LL WHO THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME! FUCK OFF LAH!! NONE OF YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME OR ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER! DON’T THINK YOU’RE SO HIGH AND MIGHTLY. YOU’VE GOT SECRETS THAT THE WORLD ALREADY KNOWS THEY JUST MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOU!

All in all, the half year has been great. I love life in general, just wish I can flush some ppl outta my system. But what the heck, the world’s too small. Will try and make more time for my friends, my real friends I mean. Must make more time for myself, work’s been hectic but then again, if I had my wish I’d just be sitting at home… (i wish!)

Will start adding more stuffs to my blog if I have anything to bitch about. Ha ha but then again why bother… It’ll only give all you gossip monggers more shit to gossip about. But then again, I really don’t mind the attention. SO ALL YOU PPL WHO LIKE TO TALK ABOUT OTHER PPL, GO ON TALK SOMEMORE… YOU’RE PERFECT RITE….?

I’ve met the Man of my dreams, no really…. I’ve really met him. I met him several years ago in a bar that was in Boat Quay (I remember the exact date and time but I ain’t gonna say it). The first time I laid eyes on him I thought “Oh GOD! He exists!” Just to realise a while later than he belonged to someone else.

He’s face I always wanted to touch, he’s eyes I wanted to look into all day, his lips I wanted to kiss, his hands I wanted to hold and never let him go - just him la every time I saw him it sent shivers down my spine; It still does actually when I see him. When he spoke, he was gentle and kind. He was an exceptional man, he was the type of person a girl would feel safe being left alone with. My friends thought that we were perfect for each other I still can’t believe that people tried to set us up. It’s really funny come to think of it.

This was the guy that when someone used to hit him, he wouldn’t retaliate. How many men do you know are big enough to just walk away from a fight? He wasn’t afraid or anything, I believe he thought it was just a waste of time really to fight. I couldn’t be any PROUDER.

After a while we lost touch but miraculously every year after that whenever I felt down or totally fucked up, he would coincidentally appear. And suddenly he was back in my life and made everything better again. He was the one person who made me feel like I was important, he always had a way to make me feel better when I felt down. He didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t have to say anything. Just having him beside me calms me down. He was the only man that was ever there for me.

I used to wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. I used to wonder what it would be like to wake up next to him, to have him hold me close and never let me go. I used to think how fun it would be if I was his gf and than I’d just smile. It makes me smile now just thinking of him. He used to call me Princess!!! Cause I’m a Princess  la… that’s y I like shiok ah!!

Years come and gone, he’s not the same man I met 7 years ago. When I look into his eyes, he seems very distant now. He’s troubled somehow and tries to keep it inside but he forgets that there are people who can see through him, there are people who care for him more than anything else in the world. There are people who are coincidentally linked to each other. I’ve been told that He would risk his life for people who matters to him, I pray that he knows there’s someone who would risk her life for him. 

I can proudly say that I LOVE THIS MAN, not like in a sexual way and not in a brotherly manner either. He’s always in my thoughts. I always thought of him as the most capable man in the world and I believe that he still is . He’s always doing good for himself, I’m always very proud of him. It’s nice to meet someone who has a goal in life, someone who knows what he wants with his life.

You may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt, But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns, with the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you? Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds at the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise

as most of my frends know, i’ve got a broken heart, but i am not going to bring anyone down. I just want to say this.

This song, “If I were you” by Tamia, it’s a really wonderful song. It’s the kind of song that anyone with a broken heart could relate to, really…

There comes a time when u fall in love so deeply but you just had to get hurt somehow or rather. Then u tell yourself that you will never fall in love again. But then u just meet the one person u know u can live with for the rest of your life. You are just so afraid to fall in love again cos u just don’t want to deal with all the heartache U just don’t want to hurt again.

U tell him to go find someone else who will take care of him  but u pray that he will stand there and say that he’s not leaving u.

U tell him that you don’t feel love anymore, u tell him to go find someone who believes in love, and turns around and tells you that he’ll teach you how to love again.

U tell him that not to come near your broken heart, just turn around and leave me. U tell him to go and find someone who would love him, but u just beg GOD to make him hold you and never let u go.

U tell him if you were him, you wouldn’t be there with you, you somehow don’t believe in love, he reminds you that it doesn’t matter because he loves you.

days come and days go by I feel that you could make me happy Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door And though I tell myself that you’re the one
Who said those words before Thought it hurts too much I can’t trust in love again

i simply love this song, pls…. don’t gimme sarcastic remarks, i don’t need it. If u wanna give your opinion, pls do so. But if you are some “I-hate-this-love-thingy” pls don’t waste my time and yours…

Farlene